To Be a Queen
by Failed to De-anon
Summary: After the war, King's Landing had two queens, but, no one could deny they were vastly different women, not even themselves. AU: Rhaegar won. Possible o.o.c.


Disclaimer: I own nothing. All things recognizable are property of G.R.R. Martin, David Benioff, D.B. Weiss, & company, & the asoiaf wiki.

Warning: This mature audiences only fic includes a married couple engaging in intercourse, severely emotionally compromised characters, and unhealthy & unbalanced relationships.

* * *

><p><strong><span>To Be a Queen<span>**

Ser Gerold

Standing sentry in a nursery was never work a knight would admit to enjoying, however, as the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, it was of the utmost importance that he ensure the care of the care of the family he was sworn. It was especially true now that things are settled, or at least as settled as they could be after the war was won.

He fought a frown. Hiding in that tower forced him to be away while then Prince Rhaegar fought on the Trident and King Aerys had died in the fire he started, but, he and his two brothers were where they should be.

The laughter of children draw his attention to the two new cots in the room. The laughter of the dark-haired Dornish queen followed. She was holding out a noisemaker over the cots with one hand while her other was wrapped around the boy sitting on her knee.

He was close enough to hear her say, "What do you say, Aegon, do they seem to enjoy the toy?"

The Crown Prince, seeming to understand some of the words, smiled at his mother and pointed to himself. "Toy!"

"Yes, my sweet, you had one just like it while we stayed on Dragonstone."

A smile tugged at his lips. He had been worried once. Now the need to be concerned about her seemed like such a foolish one. Elia Martell had been a kind and gentle lady and proved it by accepting her husband's younger wife and youngest child with good grace. She even accepted the traitor's son place in the household.

Thinking of Ned Stark's son brought to his mind the boy's aunt, the realm's other queen. Despite his best efforts, he could not fight a grimace.

_Three swords were now no longer aimed at him. _

_Solemn, indigo eyes peer at him. "Father sent you to find me."_

_He bowed his head, "Yes. My Prince, I am relieved to have finally found you. You are needed in the capitol, especially now…"_

_All three men frown at him. Arthur finally speaks, "'Now', what, Lord Commander?"_

_"The girl-"_

_The prince's reproach came, "Lady Lyanna."_

_He paid it no mind. It took him long enough to find them and there were far more urgent and important matters to discuss than what to call her. "Her eldest brother stormed to King's Landing and accused you of taking her."_

_Oswell cut in, "She came willingly…"_

_With disgust, he thought, 'Did she?' "That part does not matter now. The Stark lordling threatened your person. Your father killed him for it and he was not the only one." _

_The two other knights gasped. He knew many had spoken of Prince Rhaegar tendency towards melancholy and sure enough, at realizing the gravity of the situation, those indigo eyes dimmed. "How many?"_

_Too many and he had stopped none. Telling himself that the king commanded it made nothing easier. "All of his companions save the youngest and their fathers who were summoned to the capitol to speak for them." _

_The prince looked at the door behind him. Horror etched into his face; no doubt he was thinking of how to tell the girl. "Including Lord Stark."_

_"Aye."_

_"And that is when Father sent you to find me."_

_"When he learned you were not at Dragonstone."_

_All three pairs of eyes widen, Prince Rhaegar questions, "He sent men to Dragonstone? Elia and children! Are they safe?"_

_"Per His Grace's orders, they were returned to the capitol." _

_"Is there more, Ser Gerold?" The three men he found trade uneasy glances. Reading the dread on their faces he refrains from saying that the King keeps Princess Elia and her people under heavy guard. There are far more pressing matters. _

_"War, my Prince. Lord Arryn refused to surrender Ned Stark and Robert Baratheon to the King. Blood spills while we remain here."_

_The prince straightened. "Then I must go and fight."_

_Arthur nods, gravely. "We all must."_

_The prince held up a hand. "No! You will stay here." He looked at Arthur and Oswell. "You will all stay here."_

_Oswell's voice rises, "No! What? Why? We must accompany you."_

_"You know why I say this. I need you here. I chose this place because few know of it. If it is discovered that we are here it will be worse." _

_Not understanding, he thinks, 'How could it be worse?' "My Prince, I swore to the King would find you. I must go with you." _

_Those eyes look at him sharply. "Yes, yes, you found me. Did he make you swear to return with me?"_

_His brows furrow at the odd question. "No, but, certainly he expects that I would accompany you to King's Landing." _

_"Did you swear to him you would accompany me back? Was that your exact promise?"_

_Certainly the prince knew that is what the king wanted and expected. He breathes deeply. "No." _

_The prince nodded. What did that gesture mean? "Then, you must stay. No one can know we were here. Swear to me you will not leave."_

_It was unthinkable. "But, my Prince, the King will expect me to return with you. He would say I disobeyed."_

_"You told me he did not make you swear to return and so you must swear to me that you will not, Ser Gerold!" The prince eyed each of them. "As your prince, I command that you all remain here until I return, no matter what happens."_

_Arthur and Oswell do not argue, but, they looked as though they wanted to do exactly that. Still, he must. "But, why? Because of her, isn't it?"_

_"I need her to be protected and I cannot trust that she will be if it is discovered she is here. I cannot take her to King's Landing. And you have just said, not even Dragonstone proved safe."_

_He wanted to ask if she was truly worth all this, but, the prince already made to leave the room._

Now, where was she? If Queen Elia made the effort to be here, so should she.

Mind made, he clears his throat.

Queen Elia turns around. "Yes, Ser?" She looked at him, concerned. This one always seemed to know if something troubled him. He imagined it was something she learned at her Princess Mother's side and improved upon at Queen Rhaella's. Had his mind not been no discomfited he would have smiled at the thought.

"Is Queen Lyanna well?"

Her eyes widen. He hesitated. He is too experienced a man to have erred in such a way. He should have not spoken to her on the subject of the other queen, though he knows this queen took it upon herself to try and…mentor the other one for all that it seemed to becoming quite the fruitless exercise.

After a moment, she replies. "She is."

"Shall I know to expect her in the nursery today?" There was no council meeting and no audiences at Court. Watching Queen Elia with the youngest prince does not sit right in his mind when the boy's mother rarely chooses to be here.

For a moment, Queen Elia hesitates. Then, "I believe she means to come later tonight."

Her words meant to be soothing, but, they were not to him. While it was good of Queen Elia to make the other's excuses, her words only manage to unsettle him further. He does not hold the same hope the queen seems to.

With the Queen Dowager electing to remain on Dragonstone, rightly, it had fallen to King Rhaegar's queens to fill the void, with varying degrees of success and, much to his chagrin, willingness. If one queen makes the effort to fulfill the duties entrusted to her, then, the other should want to do no less.

He wants to laugh at himself. What should he expect from a woman, a girl, in truth, who, even now, cut a strop with king before he ventured to Summerhall about those traitors she called family and still fails to venture outside of her rooms unless prompted or necessity dictated it?

He takes a breath and reminds himself of his vows not to judge. "Yes, Your Grace."

He tries to fight a flush at her approving nod. Though he knows she will forgive him this impropriety, he is too old to embarrass himself like this in front her.

If she, of all, finds that he should not judge the other queen to be lacking, then he should not. Yet, he does. It is becoming more and more difficult not to.

When he sees the queen return to entertaining the younger occupants of the nursery he tells he tells himself he should be grateful the realm had at least one conscientious queen.

* * *

><p><span>Lyanna<span>

"Go take a ride. It'll be better for me knowing that you are doing something you enjoy than watching you stare at walls."

She blinked and looked to Elia whose lips were pursed. Concern, she realizes. She does not want to worry the other woman, who seemed like one of the few people in this wretched city who seem to care about her at all.

She wanted to smile back at Elia, to reassure, but, it just would not come. She does not remember the last time she felt capable of smiling when it was not required of her.

She felt another wave of guilt run through her when Elia set down the shirt and needle. She knew she should contribute to Elia's already considerable effort, she just could not force herself to do it; not only because she hated the type of work Elia is doing.

Thinking on Elia's words, she knew would have liked to ride. She would like nothing better than to go for a ride and just forget, but, she could not. Though she had not known quite what she had been choosing at the time, she had made the choice when she accepted Rhaegar's crown of flowers.

She takes a heavy breath. She owes Elia an answer. She owed the other woman more than that. Elia's kindness was one of the few things that made this life of hers bearable.

"But, I have that audience this afternoon." A weak argument. They both knew overseeing audiences was something she did not enjoy, though it was rare she was required to take them.

She had to do her duty while those she did it for acted as though they made do with her. She hated it. Enough times, seeing her sitting on the Iron Throne in Rhaegar's absence, those who came to the Red Keep seemed to think her sitting in judgment of anyone was a farce. But, she long since become accustomed to the anger and bitterness of others.

Or at least that is what she tried to tell herself. She was not going to get much else from those who did not know her or, for that matter, from those who once loved her.

Remembering, her eyes burn as they often do.

The man who left her in Dorne had been a man who spoke of love and a bright future with her. The man who returned to collect her was a king intent on salvaging the kingdom. She might have not minded, but, to her horror, she realized he planned to do it, first, by punishing those who rebelled.

Robert paid for his part in the rebellion with his life on the battlefield. She never loved him and, in truth, she ran from him, but, she had not wanted him dead. But, falling in battle was a noble end or so the stories say.

Ned was given no such mercy. Ned had fought and lived.

She had not known until far too late that in Aerys' time even lesser crimes meant death. Treason was no lesser crime when Rhaegar's began.

After the war, Rhaegar allowed Storm's End to pass to Robert's brother, Stannis, when he bent the knee. For it, some called her husband merciful and just. She believed it, too.

She had wanted to believe Rhaegar had been reluctant to punish and she hoped he would not, after all, Ned was her brother and he had been pushed into war. Rhaegar knew what his father had done to Brandon and Father. But, no.

Those who fought under the Targaryen banner claimed those who sought war deserved little mercy no matter what their reasons. She remembers all too well the cries from those in King's Landing about traitors who tried to take the throne in order to give it to others. Rhaegar claims that he had a duty to punish those who committed treason and because of his victory had more than just King's Landing behind him.

She had been hopeful that Rhaegar would listen to her and sentence Ned to the Wall like he had Jon Arryn. Instead, Ned was exiled from Westeros forever.

Oh, how she ranted and raved and even pleaded, only for it to be in vain.

She did not understand his pronouncement then and she does not understand now, no matter how many times he 'tries to explain it to her'.

She had no word from Ned since then, even to say he was safe. That he was in Volantis she learned through Elia who had learned it from her brother. Were it not for little Robb's presence here, she doubts she would hear from Benjen who had been allowed to remain Lord Protector until Robb comes of age, either.

Ned's wife, Catelyn Tully, who had been intended for a different brother of hers, certainly would not write to her, let alone think of her as family.

It was bad enough that her own son, looking every bit the Stark, reminds her of her father and brother's ugly deaths every time she goes near him. Rhaegar brought Robb here and would hear nothing of sending him North. Because of it, when it came to working up the nerve, it was as if all the bravery, which came easy to her once, vanishes any time she went near the nursery.

She takes a breath, trying to fight the urge to cry in front of Elia. She had never thought any of that would happen, let alone wanted it to. But, that mattes to no one.

As if blessed with the ability to glean thoughts from minds, Elia says, "I will take today's audiences."

She shook her head. "You had your own. It is my turn."

She felt guilty enough without having Elia do more of her work for her. It would not be fair.

She almost laughed. She might just not stop if she started. Precious few things in life were fair. One only had to look at what happened to her family to know what fair was not.

She wanted to be with Rhaegar. She was the one who made the choice to be with Rhaegar and now that meant she was a queen and this was one thing, she needed to do and was allowed to do.

The only reason she was expected to take audiences was because she learned he was at Summerhall and would remain away until the week's end. Even that she had to hear from Elia's lips.

Though she despised the task, what else was there for her but the duties they wanted to foist upon her? There were days it seemed only the supplicants who needed something from the Crown were the only ones who wanted to see her at all.

She nearly snorted. They did not want to see her. No one did; not even Rhaegar. When she wanted to see him, Rhaegar, who she used to have all to herself less than a year ago, was busy with his own duties and his own plans.

"Lyanna, let me take them." Elia pats her hand.

Gentle as the gesture was, she could not stop the bitterness from seeping into her tone. "But, I have responsibilities. I cannot leave them all my responsibilities to you." She already does enough of that.

Elia gave her a firm look. "Go take your ride or do whatever else. I will hear no more of this."

How sweet the prospect of forgetting it all sounded, even for mere minutes. It was kind of Elia to think of things she enjoyed, but, she made her choices. Now she must suffer the results she could. "But, you had your own not two days past. I would not want to impose."

Elia stood and clapped a hand to her shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze. "It is no imposition. You will do no one good if your head is not in it and it is not, is it?"

She fights the urge to flush. She does look away. Her mind was not in it; neither was her heart. They both knew it.

Elia cups her chin with a delicate hand and gently tilts it up so that she was looking at the older woman. After a moment Elia smiled softly. "You leave it to me."

"Are you certain?" She heard cruel whispers of others that Elia had all the reasons to be cross with her. Now she had no choice but to acknowledge the truth in them. Still, despite the awkward beginning Elia welcomed her. She sits with her and talks with her. She does not want to give the other woman cause to regret it. Far too many others hate her and she had enough regrets.

Whatever stubbornness she latched onto crumbled like her dreams had. "Thank you!" On impulse, she embraced the other woman.

Feeling Elia stiffen, mortified, she tried to pull back, but, Elia returned her embrace.

It was stupid of her to feel so grateful for these small things, yet, she was. She felt more relieved at the smile in Elia's soothing tones, "You do not need to thank me, Lyanna. Go for your ride. Go to the Godswood. Do whatever it is that would make you happy. Just know, I am here."

Embarrassed as she was, this felt good. Mother died when she had been young and Father had never been the most demonstrative of men. Her living brothers embraced would never again or would want to. Now moments of closeness between her and anyone, even Rhaegar, were few and far in-between.

That Elia makes the effort, gives her joy, even if she knew it would be only a fleeting moment of it.

* * *

><p><span>Elia<span>

"I hope I am not disturbing you, Elia."

She shakes her head. "Not at all, but, I was not expecting you, Rhaegar."

He flushed. Very amusing, she thought. Rhaegar Targaryen was never shy.

"I hope it is a welcome surprise." It was nearly a question. He looked so hopeful; she couldn't help the grin spreading on her face.

"Very much so."

"Good, good. What is this?" His hands examined the clothes she just finished making.

She couldn't help it. She smiled. "Oh, those are for Jaehaerys. Children grow so quickly at that age that I can barely keep up."

A hint of a smile plays at his lips. "You are too good to him. Ser Gerold told me you even got Jaehaerys and Lord Robb gifts."

She does not even blink at the revelation of how well her husband is informed. She has long since known Ser Gerold was always mindful of his duty. "Ah, yes, those little noisemakers. Aegon had one just like them."

He smiled. "I remember. I think they adore you."

It is immeasurable, how much the thought delights her. "I am glad. They are such sweet children."

Unexpectedly, a dark look passes across his face. "I am glad you think so."

Understanding dawns at his shift in tone. "You went to see Lyanna."

With pursed lips, he explains, "She has not been to the nursery once since I have been gone."

There was nothing she could say to that. It was true. Despite what she told Ser Gerold, Lyanna apparently had not gone.

She does not have to guess what Rhaegar's expression means. "You fought with her again."

"I heard from Ser Gerold you took her audiences." Of course, he did.

"Yes. _One_."

He pressed a kiss to her hand. "Do not think I am ungrateful for your taking up my tasks in my absence, but, you took an audience. While you took another, I am told she went for a ride. She barely leaves her rooms. It is inappropriate."

"That ride was a small thing that made her happy." 'One of the few things that does make Lyanna happy', she does not say, but, they both know it is true.

He frowns. "Still, I do not like that you tax yourself when she is here as well. Just like you she is a queen, but, people will talk when one queen is seen doing the work of the kingdom while the other does not."

There was no denying any of what Rhaegar says. Still, for Lyanna to go on that ride had been her idea. She tells herself to choose her next words carefully. "If I was not well enough to it, I would not have offered. Besides, it was one audience and people always talk. You know that."

He sat on her bed, heavily. When he speaks again, an all too familiar frustration and sadness fills his tone. "She should understand she has her own responsibilities, both as a queen and as a mother. You do." He gestures to the clothes.

Elia moves to sit behind him and began to rub at his shoulders. After a few minutes, he lets out a pleased sigh. She took that as her cue to speak again. "She and I are different people."

When she senses the same objections will come forth, she continues, "I had years to become accustomed to these duties and on Dragonstone running a household in your absence was my sole responsibility. This is still new to her…"

"She was born a lady. None of this can be that new or unexpected. I simply want her to understand she has to do her own part."

She presses her lips together, to give her time to think of the proper response. "She was not in the right mood to listen to supplicants. It would be worse if her decisions were compromised."

He stiffened. She stopped her ministrations. Perhaps she should not have said that. When he nodded, she exhaled in relief. "You are right in that."

She sighs. "I do not wish to think on it in those terms..."

"But, you are not wrong to do so", he continues. "I cannot help but think I made a mistake."

At that, she goes to crouch in front of him. She places a hand on his knee and asks, "About what?"

"I was the one who chose her."

Elia nods, solemnly. But, at his silence, she prompts, "Go on, Rhaegar, tell me and unburden yourself. What troubles you so?"

He runs a hand through his hair, a very human gesture she does not see from him often. "I was so taken by her fire, that it blinded me to her faults."

"She is young."

"Youth cannot excuse everything."

She ducks her head. When she looks up, she sighs again. "I know, but, these past months have not been easy for her. Give it time. She will become accustomed to things."

He frowns again. "And if she does not?"

Rubbing at his knee, Elia reassures, "She will."

He brushes a strand of her loose hair out of her face and stretches out a hand to her. Only after he pulls her to straddle his lap does he speak again. "You have such faith."

She looks into his eyes. "I must have it." In truth, she doubts Lyanna will ever be happy with the only life Rhaegar gives her or can, but, happiness in a marriage, much less to a Targaryen, was never a surety. What was a certainty was that one had to become accustomed to it.

"How is it you can have it?" Rhaegar Targaryen is not a man who can make an admission of dismantling his beliefs easily. These past weeks she knows her husband has come to dread the possibility of his being fallible especially when he had been so sure before.

She wishes she can be amazed at how needful he can be, but, she is not. In his ear, she softly whispers, "Because of you."

One of his hands begins gently carding through her hair. "I just-"

"Yes?"

Her husband truly trusts so few. Though it clearly pains him, now it seems the number will shrink, even if only by one. That he is here like this tells her he feels he can trust her. She would have never imagined this mere months ago. "I thought she understood what is needed from us all, but, she proves stubborn. I cannot understand how to reach her."

He frowns and sighs. "However, that is not your burden to bear."

Knowing it is up to her to give him what he craves where she can, Elia put a finger to Rhaegar's lips. "But, it is. She is a part of this family now. And, yes, there are some things about her that are hard for me to reconcile, but, I implore you, give it time."

He pulls her closer to him. "She is fortunate that you think well of her."

She idly rubs a finger across the nape of his neck. "She is not the only one I think of or that I must think of."

He looks wonderfully confused, Elia thinks. "Oh? Who are these fortunate souls?"

Despite the dark words they only just shared, she smiles. "To start with, my husband."

At last, his face lightens. "Oh?"

She cannot help it, she laughs softly. "Yes, though when he is with me he is often taken with troubled thoughts."

His smile shrinks. "You are right. Forgive me, it seems that even now I make things unpleasant for you."

She braces her hands on his shoulders. "There is nothing to forgive, husband. Your worries are mine. I wish to ease them."

"But, that does not mean I should fail to be an attentive of husband's to you."

That old embarrassment flares up and she does not fight the urge to look away.

He lifts her chin so that her eyes meet his beautiful, indigo ones. "I think I should like to change that."

Her eyes widen. "How?"

As if a thought had just come to him, he flushes, though that does not stop him from running a finger along the line of her jaw, before setting his hand on her neck and pressing a kiss to her lips. When they break apart, he whispers, "It has been a long while…"

When she recognizes his meaning, a soft smile blooms on her face. "Yes, it has."

He asks, "Would that please you, Elia?"

Would it? After Aegon was born he rarely came to her bed and not once since before he went missing.

She is aware that if had things been different that might have gone unchanged. But, it has been too long since her husband has touched her like he seems to mean to and she is selfish enough to know she does not want to continue to go without if she does not have to.

"It does, Rhaegar. Would it please you? I wish to."

He presses his forehead to hers. "Only a fool would dislike that his wife wants to please him."

She returns, "And, you, Rhaegar Targaryen are no fool. So, tell me, how can I please you, husband?"

He gestures for her to stand. When she does he slides his hand over the knot tying her robe together and pulls at it. She lets it fall, leaving her in her thin shift. He poked at the cloth gently. "I think I should like it if you removed that." Smiling, he gestures to his own clothing. "I would also like it if you would assist me in ridding me of these."

She smiles and nods. "As you wish, my king and husband."

The pleasure on his face is unmistakable.

Once free of their clothing, he took a hand in his while his other moves to stroke her breast. When she gasps and arches closer to him, he remarks, "I am a fortunate man to have such a good wife."

"Do you think so, my husband?"

Moving the hand not clutching hers to encircle her waist, he kisses her lips again. When they pull apart, he murmurs, "Very much so."

She cannot help it. She asks, "Am I truly that good to you? Perhaps you should show me. Remind me."

He pressed his lips to hers once more, before saying, "It shall be my pleasure. How can it not be when you are so good to me, to this family?"

She lets out a pleased sigh when he lays her on the bed and leans down to kiss her again.

Her body rocks pleasantly as she felt him push into her gently. It truly had been too long.

When she says, "I want to be good for you" he smiles so brightly.

"You are." He kissed her again. "Such a good woman."

With a snap of his hips, he pushes himself deeper into her. She did not try to stop herself from moaning.

"So kind."

He thrusts again. "So generous."

Again. "So wise."

Over and over his thrusts are marked by a litany of compliments which caused her pleasure to grow and grow: "So attentive." "A wonderful mother." A proper queen." "Such a good wife." "It makes me just love you all the more."

When he finally spills himself into her, giving a pleasured cry, he kissed her shoulder and moved to lay on the bed. The entire time he had not once removed his hand from hers.

She smiles faintly. She knew she would feel sore later, but, it had been so very good.

When he closed his eyes, she moves to blow out the candle next to her bedside. Before she banks it, she turns back to look at her husband.

She will forgo attending court tomorrow. Instead, she would go visit an alms house after visiting the nursery in the morning to leave those clothes for Jaehaerys. Rhaegar had the right of it, a queen should do her part. And of course, she will look into Lyanna, first. No doubt the poor girl could use a kind ear and there were not too many in King's Landing to start with. The girl tries and it is no great hardship on Elia's part to give her what she desperately craves.

Perhaps she would request the girl comes along. She will likely refuse, but, whichever Kingsguard on duty or attendant who hears will appreciate her efforts, at least.

Once she douses the candle, she moves to lay her head on Rhaegar's chest. She smiles a little when Rhaegar, with another kiss to her temple, drapes his arm across her back and sleepily murmurs her name.

Before Harrenhall, what seemed like half the kingdom, including some of this household, sneered at her supposed frail health, deeming not pretty or worthy enough while her husband rarely stayed in her rooms unless she asked or he needed children from her. After Harrenhall, she tasted all manner of disgrace because of his obsessions, publicly and privately.

This…It made for such a pleasant change.

She smirked.

Once, Rhaegar said Lyanna Stark is what he needed.

She had been horrified and humiliated, then. Now, wrapped in her husband's embrace, seeing him looking so sated because of how he took pleasure from her, she has to acknowledge the girl's continued presence in their lives proves to be good for something after all.

* * *

><p>I was trying to work on my existing stories and this happened instead. I hope readers enjoy this vastly different take on things. Let me know what you think.<p> 


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